Owning it

A while back, at that little slice of Valhalla I used to call work (before I came to this place, the new Valhalla), I got myself yelled at. I did something I shouldn't have, something I knew was not right when I did it. And, I got in trouble for it.

My station was having a 'shift war'. You've been there; the little things build up, and the blame-shifting gets worse until the shifts are battling like gladiators. Everything that goes wrong becomes, "A shift didn't take out the trash" and "B shift left the dishes in the dishwasher", "It wasn't broken until A shift touched it", "Those idiots on B shift screwed it up"... No matter what, no one want to take the blame, because they can just point to the other guys. Everything is "Their fault". Classic blame shifting, finger-pointing, responsibility-shirking shift war.

A big part of the back-and-forth between the shifts was practical joking stuff, like freezing uniform items left out after shift change. You leave a uniform shirt in the day room? It's going to be in the freezer, completely encased in ice, when you get back to work in the morning. It takes hours to thaw it out. And, if the guy doing it has a little experience and finesse, your badge is proudly displayed through two inches of crystal clear ice. There's an art to freezing a shirt, and we had it down to Michelangelo levels of perfection. Problem is, A shift likes to take things too far. We heathens on B shift would freeze anything you left laying around: ID cards (needed for the computers), job shirts, uniform shirts, hats, if it fit in the freezer we put it there. In a hefty layer of ice.

A shift followed our lead, freezing our stuff. Both shifts were guilty, and we both had those 'kids' that just couldn't seem to pick up after themselves. There was always something left out, so just about every shift, something got a little chilly treatment. Then A shift had to escalate the battles; they started going into our gear lockers and personal lockers to get things to freeze. The war had gone too far.

The Captains met. The warnings were given. Thou Shalt Not Freeze Another's Belongings. Or Else. It just so happened, I was on leave the day this was handed down from on high. Didn't get the memo. So, in to work comes yours truly, like nothing has changed. I got the word from my guys not to mess with the A-shifters' stuff. Fine, I can deal with it if those crybabies don't want to play nice. Eff 'em. Doesn't mean I can't have a little fun with my own guys, right?

Come mid-morning, one of my guys left their ID card on the desk in the computer room. GAME ON! I snatched that sucker up, popped a metal bowl under the tap, and filled it half way. I put the ID card on the surface of the water, and into the freezer it went. Now, for the uninitiated, the method is this: fill a bowl half way, and put the item in it. Freeze it. Then come back and fill it the rest of the way. Freeze that. The item is now solidly frozen in the middle of two thick layers of ice, clearly visible for the misery of the owner. Works like a charm.

Here's where our 'hero' gets in trouble. I hear my Captain announce, in a pissed-off tone, "All personnel to the kitchen". I was the last to arrive, and took a seat at the table with my guys. Cap stormed in and threw the bowl on the table. My hand was up before it even came to a rest. I knew. "My office. Now." was all the Cap said. I went, knowing I was in deep. He was PISSED.

I got yelled at for at least five minutes. I apologized. I got yelled at some more. I had to promise I wouldn't do it again. I did.

So, what's the point? I screwed up, I knew it, and I owned it. Personal responsibility is huge, and we tend not to trust those who shirk their mistakes. If I can't trust you to be honest about your mistakes, how can I trust you to have my back when the stakes are truly important? When my life, our lives, are hanging in the balance? How can I trust that you actually put the work into learning your job, checking that truck, or that SCBA? Do I want a dishonest person backing me up? How about on an EMS call in someone's home? Should I have to worry that you might pocket their belongings when no one is looking? Hell no, to all of the above.

I've heard that the definition of integrity is doing the right thing in a difficult situation, even if no one else will ever know. I absolutely agree. I also think that it's doing the right thing by owning your mistakes. Case in point, a guy came to work for us and on his second shift he made a mistake. He failed to close and latch a compartment door on the side of the truck. We took the truck from the station up to the training academy, a couple of blocks, and on arriving, I noticed the compartment open. No big deal. However, the 'Hot Stick' electric current detector was missing. We knew this guy was the last one to touch it, last one to touch the compartment. He could easily have just said, "I thought I latched it" and we'd have forgotten it by the end of the day. Instead, he tried twenty different ways to blame the open compartment on "someone else". This mysterious "someone else" had opened it, had failed to latch it, had come behind him in the fifteen seconds between his closing it and us leaving the station, and undone his work. Sure. And I'm the proud owner of ocean-front property in Utah. Mmm Hmm. I've questioned his work ever since. I love the guy like a brother now, he'll give you the shirt off his back and ask what else you need. But I ALWAYS double check his work. I just have that doubt. Had he simply owned up to not properly latching the compartment, it would have been over. It was his second day on the job, for Christ's sake. He'd have caught a break. But deny it? Blame someone else who couldn't have done it? Guilty for life.

In the Fire Service, we place a very high value on trust and responsibility. It's much easier to keep that trust by owning up to a mistake, learning from it, and teaching others how not to make it themselves. Own it. Don't let it own you.

By the way, for those worried, the Hot Stick was returned by a kind Samaritan. Just about the time we were pulling back into the station to start our search for the missing item. Oh, and that shift war? We got over it eventually. A shift never did grow up, B shift just proved the truth; B stands for Better. We were the better people, and let it go. They still don't empty the trash all the time, still leave the dishwasher full going off-shift. The driver opposite me still leaves the tank-to-pump and tank-fill valves open when the pump packing is leaking like a sieve. We just let it go. We owned up to the fact that we are responsible, professional adults, and we do stupid stuff now and then ourselves. Better to just let it go than have them point the finger right back at us. We own our mistakes.

Stay safe, take care of each other, and take care of the job. In that order.